Hilarious Quotations From Motor Vehicle Insurance Claims!

(These are a lot funnier if these people don't live in your neighborhood.)



1. I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.

2. I left my Austin Seven outside and when I came out later to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.

3. Car had to turn sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible lorry.

4. "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

5. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

6. I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.

7. Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.


8. A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.

9. The water in my radiator accidentally froze at 12 midnight.

10. I bumped into a lamp post which was obscured by human beings.

11. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.

12. A lamp post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.

13. "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.".

14. "I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind.".

15. "On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way."

16. "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control..

17. "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight".

18. "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.".

19. "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo..

20. "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

21. "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

22. "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

23. "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."


24. "I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

25. As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

26. I told the police that I was not insured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.

27. The telephone pole was approaching and I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end of my car.

28. "A customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

    Q: - What warning was given by you?
    A: - Horn.

    Q: - What warning was given by the other party?
    A: Moo.

29. "While proceeding through 'Monkey Jungle', the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in 'Monkey Jungle' clutching radio aerial."




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