I'll Title This When I'm Damned Good and Ready
(to be read in singsong "Cafe' Style")
I'll never see a verse
As ugly as an eggplant
As twisted as my underwear when I awake.
To see a dawn I now despise
Because it's always in a better mood
than I am!
I hate the rain because it
I hate the night because the bugs
always head towards my bald spot.
I hate blue skies because they make the sea
You know, I'm old enough
that all it takes to tick me off
is being conscious!
I envy rotten vegetables and beetles
on my windshield
because they never have to suffer
in the morning, when they're zipping up!
Unlike us hairy bipeds;
who never had a chance
because we're stuck
on some substandard planet!
I'd even mind the times
when God was pissing on us,
If, just for once,
he'd leave the seat up
when he's done!
© Elas Giordano 1995